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Category: DirecTV

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DirecTV – Turn Back Time (feat. Bon Jovi)

Like a broke ass Doctor Who, Bon Jovi is here to turn back time.

First things first, since when has not recording a show meant you had to wait “forever” to watch it? On demand programming has existed for at least the last five years. It’s not a mystery, theres a giant fucking button in the middle of my remote that takes me to a specific channel dedicated to it.

Second, there is a way to restart it. It’s called “Start Over,” and it has existed on other cable systems for AT LEAST four years. For a company that spends an inordinate amount of time criticizing how shitty rival cable companies are, DirecTV sure loves ripping off their ideas and building marketing campaigns around them.

Also, why is Bon Jovi a complete dick? He gives the guy back his hair, then follows that up with breaking up a relationship with “the guy she liked before you.” She just liked him, I guess. Didn’t love him. Does she loves this new guy? Whose house is the commercial set in? Are they living together? Does God know they are living together without getting married? That last one is a trick question. Of course he does.

In the second commercial in this series, he doesn’t even change anything of consequence. Their salsa turns to spicy instead of mild, and then suggests they “reconsider having that second child.” Lets be real here, those parents are garbage. That kid is sitting 10 feet away from them coloring on the walls, and they’re more concerned about waiting forever to watch their show. So lets not just assume that kid is a nightmare, because he’s at least making art while his dipshit parents struggle to figure out modern technology.

Finally, Isn’t Bon Jovi NBC’s Artist in Residence? so what the hell is he even doing appearing in an ad for DirecTV? I bet he wishes he could turn back time to when he was a rock star.