But, having seen this commercial roughly eleven-thousand times in the last week, I couldn’t just let it slide. First of all, what the fuck is wrong with this guys mouth? Look at the way he chews. It’s disgusting, and yet mesmerizing. I can’t look away. Please stop. Looking at mouths is gross. Other people eating is gross. Why would you ever put this on the air?
Second, he’s clearly developed a pattern. How many times do you have to do something for someone to say you do it “every day?” A week? Two? Someone stop him. The microwave is clearly very accessible, since this office doesn’t have a kitchen. Take it out back and destroy it, Office Space style. Or they could just unplug it. Or put some metal in it. There are literally endless ways to stop this madness.
And finally, why is no one checking on that woman who fainted? It’s her first day, I guess. Which means, she could have passed out for totally unrelated reasons. YOU DON’T KNOW HER, SHE COULD HAVE FATAL FISH SMELL ALLERGIES. The smell doesn’t appear to bother the woman sitting RIGHT IN FRONT of the god damn fish, so there is clearly something else very wrong with that poor woman. This office is full of shitty people. And honestly, aside from his awful chewing, the guy stinking up the place with his microwave fish might just be the least shitty.