GREENPOINT – Darla Hood, singer and girlfriend of “He-Man Woman Haters Club” member Alfalfa, has shaken the club to its core with her campaign to persuade the club to admit woman. “I just want to spend more time with the love of my life, Alfalfa.”
“Our membership is single gender just like a Sorority, the Girl Scouts, and countless other clubs across America,” said spokesman and incorrigible little scamp Alfalfa.
Amidst the mounting pressure from the public to allow women members, President Spanky refuses, even doubling down on the rhetoric. “I, Spanky, do solemnly swear to be a he-man and hate women and not play with them or talk to them unless I have to. And especially: never fall in love, and if I do, may I die slowly and painfully and suffer for hours – or until I scream bloody murder.”
“Spanky needs to resign so I can spend more time with my Alfalfa,” said Darla. But even if Spanky were to resign, the club will be handed over to Vice-President Stymie. “The oversized derby hat-wearing Stymie is no saint either,” added Darla. “He’s a slick-tongued con-artist who’s always ready with a sly comment.”
“If she wants to join the “He-Man Woman Haters Club” so bad than why doesn’t she beat a boy in the upcoming Soap Box Derby race?” a furious Froggy yammered.
“Challenge accepted,” a giddy Darla responded.
In a photo finish, the boys lost by a Alfalfa hair.
At press time, a “Women Welcome” sign has been added to the front door of the “He-Man Woman Haters Club.”